


endorphins and other natural highs

by pensgame



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: A wholesome fic, Dex learns to be chill with the assistance of:, M/M, Meditation, Positive Thinking, Soft boys being soft, and a lil bit of weed, basically: Dex learning to be in touch with his emotions, dex pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10081943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensgame/pseuds/pensgame
Summary: It should piss Dex off, but Nursey's smile in the light makes him prettier than anything Dex has ever seen.Or: Dex attempts to become chill, with the help of Derek Nurse.





	

"Tell me how you feel," Nursey says again, sounding much too calm for someone who just ran a million miles of stairs.

"Nauseous," Dex says, resting his hands on his legs and willing his body to relax for just _one second_. He straightens up, immediately thinks better of it, and puts his head back down.

"No, no," Nursey says. "How do you _feel_?"

Dex takes a moment to ensure that all his limbs are still in working order before he responds. "I feel fucking terrible, Nurse."

Nursey makes a noise that is probably a scoff. "That's not what I mean. I mean how does your _mind_ feel?"

"Jesus, I dunno," Dex says, finally standing up and wishing he hadn't. "Tired, I guess?"

"Tired is a physical feeling, Dex," Nursey informs him, because Nursey is insufferable. He looks altogether too cheery for having just completed another grueling early morning workout, possibly because said early morning workout had been his idea. Dragging Dex along at ass-o'clock in the morning, too, had been Nursey's idea.

"Not necessarily. You can be emotionally tired, too," Dex points out, unsure why he's arguing this point, but arguing it just the same. This seems to be a given for any conversation with Nursey. "I'm usually mentally worn out after a long day of class."

Nursey looks like he's considering this for a moment. "Okay, point taken," he says, with a gracious nod of the head. "Are you mentally tired right now?"

Dex shrugs. "Not really. I'm physically tired and really damn hungry, but mentally I'm pretty average."

Nursey nods. "I just mean- I'm going to sound ridiculous, maybe-"

Dex laughs, because this has never stopped Nursey before.

"-but don't you ever just feel powerful after a really long workout?" Nursey cocks his head to the side as though he's choosing his words carefully, then adds, "Not physically powerful. It's more like I go to this really quiet, calm place. It's amazing."

"Sounds legit," Dex says, because it does. "But I never feel that good after cardio." He's pretty sure he's never felt that good in his life, actually, but that's just sad to think about.

Nursey grins. "Must be endorphins, I guess."

\---

"How do you feel?" Nursey asks, as Dex traipses across what is probably a real-life blizzard, just because Nursey roped him into getting some fries during midterms week. 

"Cold," Dex answers truthfully, narrowly avoiding planting his entire foot in what appears to be half of a melted snowman in the yard of the Haus.

"Not physically," Nursey says. The half-set sun does funny things to his eyelashes and hair, giving him an unreal purple glow, as though he's radiating his own colorful light.

"Fine, I think," Dex says, considering. "I'm stressed, and a little tired. Nothing special."

Nursey smiles at Dex. There's a snowflake melting right on his nose. "There's no reason to be stressed right now," he says.

Dex shrugs. "Midterms?"

Nursey shakes his head. "Are your midterms happening right now, right in this moment?"

It's a little patronizing, but Dex tries not to let it bother him. "No," he says, a little sullenly.

"Then just-" Nursey makes a flapping hand gesture that seems to indicate _let it go_.

Dex takes a second to breathe a little deeper than he'd been doing previously. It's not much, but he thinks he feels a little calmer. The ball of worry in his chest seems to loosen a little bit.

Nursey doesn't comment on Dex's deep breathing, but he looks a little smug. It should piss Dex off, but Nursey's smile in the light makes him prettier than anything Dex has ever seen, so there's no space in Dex's head to be irritated when he looks at Nursey.

\---

Nursey drags him along to another of his early morning workouts, and Dex nearly dies of exhaustion, and then of irritation after Nursey tells Dex that he's got to stop thinking the way he does.

"What?" Dex asks. The words come out a little rushed because he's breathing so hard. "Did you just say I've got to stop _thinking_?"

Nursey says, "I'm just _saying_ ," which means he's going to tell Dex something he doesn't want to hear. Nursey pauses, seems to regroup his thoughts, and then says, "You keep talking about how I'm dragging you to shit, and like, if that's how you feel then just- don't come?"

"Um, fuck you," Dex says, but without much heat in his voice.

"No, I'm just _saying_ , you're the one who's setting an alarm to wake up this early, right?"

Dex tries to makes a sound to indicate his agreement, but coughs on his spit a little. He is the epitome of grace.

Nursey, thankfully, ignores this. "So you're the one who's in control, and I think you'd feel better about it if you started thinking about this as _your_ morning workout rather than mine."

"It was your idea, though," Dex points out.

"So? You've woken up extra early for weeks now to come work out with me."

"So?" Dex parrots back at him.

"So," Nursey says, with a long sigh, "Dex, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you are stubborn as fuck." He catches Dex opening his mouth to speak and says quickly, "I'm not trying to insult you."

Dex snorts, because when has saying _no offense_ ever stopped something from being offensive?

Nursey tries again. "You're stubborn. That's not necessarily a bad thing! It just means that you're strong-willed, and look, I am too! All I'm trying to say is that I don't think anyone could ever force you to do anything you didn't want to do."

This isn't true, but Dex appreciates the sentiment. He says, "So?" again, just to be ornery, because he still hasn't entirely forgiven Nursey for the _stubborn as fuck_ remark.

"So you're obviously getting something out of these early morning workouts," Nursey tells him, "and I think if you stopped thinking about them as _my_ workouts and started thinking about them as _yours-_ or _ours_ , even- you'd be a little happier about it all."

Dex is surprised when he realizes that Nursey's got a point. He doesn't bring it up to Nursey again, but he keeps his complaining to a minimum the next time they embark on one of their workouts.

He says _our workouts_ in his head, too, like they're something special he and Nursey share, but Nursey doesn't need to know that.

\---

Nursey's in the middle of the living room doing yoga, following along as a sports bra-clad woman on the TV screen contorts herself into bendy stretches. Nursey's not nearly as flexible as the woman is, but he moves with a kind of casual grace that Dex could never hope to achieve.

Dex has done yoga before, so he's no stranger to the phrases that the woman is tossing around, all about letting your body melt into the floor and breathing out bad energy and breathing in the good. It's never made sense to him. He's meditated before, too, but never found the peace that everyone talks about: instead, he spent all his time painfully and angrily aware of every thought, watching the ideas flit across the threshold of his mind.

The yoga lesson seems to be winding down as the woman mutters something about _savasana_ and Nursey lies back on the yoga mat, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. The woman says something about relaxing your shoulders, expelling the stress of everyday life. Nursey does some kind of shoulder shimmy, and Dex can actually see his shoulders unclenching, loosening. He imagines the stress fading out of Nursey's shoulders, and for a second he's convinced he can actually see it. It's natural; Nursey is the kind of person who should never feel anxious about anything. Thinking about Nursey being stressed gives _Dex_ secondhand stress. But that's natural, too: Dex is the kind of person who is never far away from the next debilitating bout of anxiety.

Somehow, Dex wonders why he'd never considered that he, too, could live like Nursey. It's almost too strange to think about, though, so Dex shakes his head a little, as if he can physically push out the thought.

Onscreen, the woman is rolling out her wrists and ankles, saying something about inviting energy back into your body. Nursey follows her lead and finally sits up and opens his eyes. He spots Dex in the doorway and his face breaks into an easy grin.

Everything for Nursey seems easy. Dex watches as Nursey takes a long drink from his water bottle and thinks, _I want that_ . He means _I want to live the way Nursey lives_ , mostly, but he wants Nursey, too.

\---

"Can you teach me about Buddhism and shit?" Dex asks, after they finish another early morning workout and begin the slow walk back to the Haus.

Nursey blinks. "I'm sorry, what?"

Dex says, "Buddhism. The philosophy stuff. Can you teach me?"

Nursey looks just as perplexed as before. "I- Are you taking a religious studies course that I don't know about?"

Dex laughs. "No, I want to learn about what you believe, if you're willing to talk about it."

"Of course," Nursey says, because Nursey is cool like that. "I can't speak for all Buddhists though. There are a lot of different belief sets, and my family isn't super traditional, you know? It's more about the Buddhist philosophy, not all the religious practices, so-"

"I don't mind," Dex says. 

Nursey gives Dex a sideways glance. "What brought this on? A sudden quest for enlightenment?"

Dex says, "I'd like to learn to be more chill," and prepares himself for a lifetime of mocking. 

No mocking comes. "More chill," Nursey repeats, looking as surprised as if Dex had said he was going to start playing lacrosse.

"Zen and shit," Dex adds, as though Nursey hadn't understood the phrase _chill_. 

Nursey's eyebrows shoot up so high that they almost get lost in his hairline. "Zen and shit," he says, a little faintly. "Sure, no problem."

\---

Dex meditates with Nursey, because it seems like the thing to do.

That's a lie. Meditation goes against every natural urge in Dex's body.

"It's supposed to be like that," Nursey tells him, after Dex ends a five minute meditation session early because he feels like he's boiling over with rage.

"It's supposed to be terrible and stressful?" Dex asks, fighting to keep his voice calm. "I think that's the exact opposite of what meditation is supposed to achieve, actually."

"It's supposed to be uncomfortable for a while," Nursey says patiently, as though he hadn't explained this to Dex the past ten times they've tried. "It gets easier. It's like- well, it's not exactly like learning a new sport, but there are some similarities."

Dex makes a huffy sound. "I don't like it," he says, voice just on this side of whining.

"You don't have to do it if you don't like it," Nursey says, just as he said the past ten times.

"I know."

"I don't mind if you don't meditate," Nursey tells him. "You don't have to believe in the same things I believe. We'll be friends regardless."

Dex knows this. He also knows that those few brief minutes of elusive calm- in between the seething, boiling rage- make him want to keep trying. He's positive that Nursey knows this too, because Nursey knows everything about Dex.

Almost everything.

"I don't like it," Dex says again.

"How do you feel?" Nursey asks. His voice is gentle. It strikes Dex again just how lucky he is to be alive at the same time that Nursey is, to exist at the same time as this beautiful, kind, accepting human. How lucky he is to be his best friend.

Dex searches around for the right word for a while. "I feel _too much_ ," he finally says.

Nursey nods as though he understands this completely. He probably does. Dex is learning that Nursey's state of calm is not, as he'd once thought, completely natural, but rather something that Nursey has been working on for years. It's comforting for Dex to think about.

Nursey could say something douchey like _mindfulness is a journey_ , but he doesn't. He just sits there, looking content as ever, as though he wants nothing more than to sit next to Dex as Dex struggles with his own mind.  

"I think," Dex says, after a long pause, "that we should try again."

\---

The first time Dex gets high, it's after a shutout win, because what better time to celebrate? And it's with Nursey, because who else would he want to get high with?

"How do you feel?" Nursey asks, for the hundredth time, looking at Dex in a mixture of concern and excitement.

Dex feels a lot of things. He feels physically worn out after the game, achey all over in a productive, enjoyable way. He feels a dull desire to lean over and hug Nursey and never let go. Mostly, he feels like his mind is a little detached from his body.

“I want to say something douchey about what kind of season you’d be,” Dex says. "If you were a season and not, you know, a human." It sounds awkward when he says it, and he thinks vaguely that maybe there are too many words cluttering up his mouth.

Nursey looks delighted. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you? You might have a little poetry in you."

"Bad poetry," Dex says. "Terrible. Abysmal. The worst."

"Probably," Nursey says, knocking his shoulder against Dex's and laughing. "But you seem to be good with synonyms tonight."

Nursey has very nice lips, and if Dex were a poet, maybe he'd want to write odes about them, but Dex isn't a poet, so he just wants to make out with Nursey instead.

"It'd be unfair if you were good at poetry, though," Nursey says. "Can't be good at everything, or it wouldn't be fair to the rest of us."

Dex doesn't answer, but his cheeks warm every time he looks at Nursey for the rest of the night.

\---

"I feel good," Dex tells Nursey, after a long and tiring workout. The sun is barely up in the sky, and Dex's back is soaked in sweat, and his muscles are burning, but he feels triumphant, somehow.

Nursey grins at him, happy and out of breath. "Physically or emotionally?"

"Both," Dex says. "I get what you mean about endorphins, finally."

"Glad I dragged you along?" Nursey asks, stretching out his calves and wincing a little.

"I thought we'd established that I'm stubborn as fuck and that you can't drag me anywhere," Dex says, laughing at the expression on Nursey's face. "I mean, I'm still no ray of sunshine, but I think our workouts have grown on me a little."

Nursey's face does something complicated and beautiful at the words _our workouts_.

\---

"Thank you for helping me to learn how to be more chill," Dex says, after his fourth successful meditation attempt. _Successful_ means that he's not going to be the fucking Dalai Lama, but he can at least spend five minutes alone with his thoughts without wanting to smash through a wall. He tells Nursey this.

Nursey laughs. The sound is light. "Anytime, dude. I'm glad you liked it."

"I didn't," Dex corrects him, "but it wasn't an altogether unpleasant experience, and that's a pretty solid change." He pauses, takes a deep breath, and says, "I think I want to keep meditating with you, if you don't mind. Even though it sucks sometimes." He doesn't say _most of the time_ , but he's sure Nursey hears it in his voice. 

"Look at you, being all Zen and shit," Nursey teases. His tone is still a little too dismissive for what Dex feels is a pretty important situation.

"No, seriously. Thank you. I mean it," Dex says, because he does, and because he wants Nursey to know. He feels a little vulnerable after meditation, but in a good way. "I really appreciate it."

Nursey looks touched. "Of course, Dex. You're my best friend. And, you know."

There's something heavy in the way Nursey says _you know_.

"I know," Dex says, because he does.

Dex isn't oblivious; he's never been truly oblivious, just unwilling to see. 

\---

"Today is my favorite day in the world," Nursey says decidedly, after Dex kisses him for the first time. Every sentence with Nursey is a superlative, every sentence spoken with conviction. 

"Wasn't yesterday?" Dex asks, partly to be a douche and partly out of genuine curiosity.

Nursey gives a loose shrug. "Yesterday was yesterday," he says, which seems to settle the matter. He leans in for another kiss.

"Tell me how you feel," Nursey says, a few minutes later, when they're both stupid and grinning and breathless.

"There aren't words for this," Dex says, smiling so hard that his entire face hurts. Nursey smiles back.

**Author's Note:**

> A few things:
> 
> 1\. Buddhism/meditation/falling in love with Derek Nurse does not magically solve any mental health issues. Dex clearly still has a way to go in his self-discovery journey, but this is a start. 
> 
> 2\. I also wanna make it clear that Dex isn't converting to Buddhism in this fic so much as he's learning about what his best friend believes and finding things- meditation, philosophy, etc. - that work for him specifically. 
> 
> 3\. As far as I know, Nursey's religious/philosophical beliefs are never explicitly discussed in canon, so I've always headcanoned him as Buddhist, but I'm definitely not trying to say that that's the only way to read his character, or that that's the only explanation for why he's "chill." This is just based on my own experience with my Buddhist family.
> 
> 4\. Hit me up on tumblr @hockeyleafs


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